2012…sandy places and rock formations

As I sit at my desk in the production office and wrap up my show, I can’t help but think about 2012 and what lies ahead.  It’s strange how the end of a film causes me to evaluate everything I have done until then and how to get better moving forward.  I hate complacency. I am not sure why it’s been on my mind, but looking ahead, I don’t want to get comfortable and stop pushing.  I don’t mean pushing for more of the “American Dream” but pushing myself to the limit when it comes to life, my relationship with Jesus, my marriage, my career…all of it.  There is something shifting in me when it comes to my dreams and aspirations..not sure how to word it.  That thought stirs something up inside of me.  I don’t like normal, average or “that will have to do.”  I pray that in 2012, those phrases are so far from the woman I am that they are forgotten…exempt from my vocabulary.  My new hubby(which is a huge update since the last time I blogged) and I were talking about building our lives on a strong foundation and what that looks like.  It reminded me of a childhood worship song that we both remembered:

Don’t build your house on a sandy land, don’t build it to near the shore

Well it might be kind of nice but you’ll have to build it twice and you’ll have to build your house once more.

You better build your house upon a rock, make a good foundation on a solid spot, where the storms may come and go, but the peace of God you will know!

Yes, it’s a kids song, but as I think about 2012, a new marriage, family, dreams, hopes…I pray that it’s ALL established on a strong foundation in Jesus Christ.  I pray that I don’t get distracted on the shiny things in life, or the “sandy” places that seem strong and worth investing in, but that I recognize the rock formations instead.  This will take discipline and focus…both of which I need more in my life.  This will be a year of losing myself to the things of God…and never looking back…I can feel it…

Dreams and Disappointments…

Tonight I did something that is common for me…spent almost 3 hours in Barnes & Noble, sitting on the window ledge reading the latest edition of my favorite magazines.  I have always loved magazines, which now makes sense since I am part of the amazing team at Scene Magazine-Louisiana’s Premier Entertainment Magazine…(check out pic of launch :)   It is strange, but I love going to Barnes & Noble on Saturday night.  I will never forget my experience once in NYC in the Barnes & Noble in Union Square when I was frustrated about being alone on Valentine’s Day in a thriving city with hundreds of available guys…there I was…right in front of the film magazine section, by myself when three guys walked up and introduced them self to me…who knew!  I later read in one of the popular New York mags that apparently that Barnes & Noble was the place to meet people.  Nothing happened from my encounters, but I love telling the story of Valentine’s Day in Union Square.  Tonight’s bookstore experience was just the opposite…I was in my own world.  I was not in the mood to chat much, and had a lot on my heart…hence tonight’s post.  I miss writing, and tonight triggered something.  I have been dealing with a lot of heart issues lately, including disappointments.  I am not sure what the answer is to what’s going on in my world, but it doesn’t really matter.  I must re-group and move forward and let God move.  I realized over the last few days how strong the human heart is, that is if it’s placed in the hands of a loving heavenly father.  TRUST…trusting God is another thing that I thought I mastered.  No matter how many disappointments or failures, I have found that life MOVES ON and so must you.  I thought I trusted God 100% but now…I have a much deeper understanding.   Despite personal frustrations, I have seen my career take a new shift and some dreams I didn’t even realize have started to take flight…DREAMS…they keep you moving!  I guess you could say that I have had some of those “dig down deep” moments when you realize who and what you are made of, and it’s in times like that when you can easily lose focus on the good things in your life if you are not careful.  Why is it that one tough moment in life can cause you to lost hope or give up?  I know that my footsteps are ordered by the Lord, and that he will be “the strength of my heart and my portion forever” but tonight I was NOT feeling it.  It’s in those moments when FAITH triumphs FEELING and DREAMS over shadow DISAPPOINTMENTS…if you choose to do so.  I don’t always choose correctly I must say, but tonight I was able to distract my heart and mind from the frustration and move on.  Who knows what tomorrow holds, but through prayer and a steadfast heart…The DREAM remains…

MomandDad-W

My parents looking good on the red carpet at our magazine's launch party in New Orleans

Faith and Feelings

So obviously I haven’t posted anything in a while, although a lot has happened in my world.  Back from NYC, worked on a film, about to start a new job, and and waiting to find out if the money my producing partner and I need to get our first film shot will come through.  Trying to pursue the film thing has been a struggle, and I feel as though I am starting all over again.  It’s been a very strange time in my life, and haven’t felt as though I wanted to write anything for some reason.  What causes the human heart to lose motivation at times, then in only moments, you have that pep in your step once again?  I admit that for me, I have been through a season of going from one thing to the next, walking by faith only…and I mean a walk, not a run.  Oddly enough, I feel like I am developing a deeper relationship with the Lord, although I feel as though I am not seeing what I have been praying for come to pass quite yet.  I read a daily devotional about this today and it made me feel encouraged in knowing that feelings will come and go, but faith must remain.  I think sometimes I am hard on myself when I lose hope momentarily, but the truth is, it’s a part of life and those days will come.  What makes the difference is what you hold on to in those moments…faith, hope, biblical truths and promises? I have found that in the midst of feeling forsaken, forgotten, or even faithless, I must exercise spiritual disciplines in order to stay focused and not lose heart.  Pray when I don’t want to, or attempt to study God’s word, although I don’t feel like it’s changing anything.  I am learning that God can handle your tears, heartache, anger, bitterness…whatever else you deal with.  If I am not real with how I feel, then I am not allowing myself to get through the struggle…God sees and is there.  I don’t know why we sometimes have to go through a Job season, but be honest, seek God, and watch how things begin to change…don’t forget to check out this link…

http://www.purposedriven.com/article.do?method=articlePage&contentId=201639&trkid=ddnews

BIG BOLD THINGS…100% Intoxicating!

There are a few magazines that I love reading…mainly because for the brief moments I am immersed into them, I feel savvy, smart, and extremely technological…not sure why that gives me such satisfaction but it does! I am reading the latest FAST COMPANY magazine and a quote from the CEO of Hulu, the No.3 most innovative companies, really stuck out to me…”There’s nothing more intoxicating than doing BIG, BOLD THINGS.”-Jason Kilar. I love that and it’s so true. I needed to hear that at a time when I am trying to work as an independent producer on many different levels, at a time when the everything around you is unstable. My mind goes back to what I have been studying in Romans 4 concerning faith. I have to admit that I have huge dreams, but sometimes my dreams seem to get ahead of my faith…or is the dream what keeps me moving forward in faith?  I want to believe that our BIG BOLD God-sized dreams push us toward a deeper faith in Jesus…there is no way I can do it alone…alone…hate the thought of doing things alone.  I just find it hard to believe that I will be able to do the BIG BOLD things in life alone…I choose not to…life is so much more colorful with people up close and personal!  BTW…listening to Jacob Zachary…amazing Baton Rouge musician…

Servolution…7 Incredible Days Impacting the Globe

I have had the privilege of working with my church(www.healingplacechurch.org) on SERVOLUTION-7 DAYS OF SERVING. There are over 120 churches on board, representing almost 400,000 people! I amazed at what the church can do globally when people unite. I love knowing that no matter what goes in the world, especially when it comes to the economy, the body of Christ is still willing and able to give beyond measure and invest in the lives of others. Having an eternal mindset truly changes how you live your life, and in times of financial strain, now isn’t the time to start having an earthly viewpoint. God isn’t afraid of what may happen…he is there and waiting for us to turn to him. As we keep our eyes on him, not only will we be taken care of, but we will find ourselves wanting to serve others…creating a SERVOLUTION…check it out…www.servolution.org!

New York…country style!

So today I had an amazing opportunity…I went to Garrison, New York to check out the The Walter Hoving Home with my friend TR and his dad. TR and I go to school together  at NYFA, and he told me about this home that helps women with addictions turn their life around. We are working on a promotional video for them in order to communicate the heart behind the home to donors. We drove about an hour and a half from the city, and the county side was beautiful! Whenever I think of New York, I don’t think of hills, gorgeous homes set in the hillside, or breathtaking views while driving over the Hudson River…such peace! All I know is the craziness of the city, honking taxi cabs, and people running you over(although everyone isn’t rude like people say!). I got a chance to sit and talk with some of the girls about what God is doing in their life, and I was reminded of how God is working all over the globe.  From Baton Rouge, Louisiana to Garrison New York…people’s lives are being changed. The women at The Walter Hoving Home all have different stories of addiction.  When you talk to them one by one, it’s obvious of the heart change that has taken place, and the impact that this environment has had on them.  Jesus is the factor that makes this home different; most of the women their have tried every program you can possibly imagine.  From heroine to alcohol, these women have been addicted to it all…but now their story is different…as one lady put it, “Because of God I have hope to live.”

It is so easy to compartmentalize God in certain locations or environments, but the truth is that God is everywhere…on the streets of Manhattan, and the beautiful country in upstate New York…I love that about him…my heart was charged today in an incredible way…

Coffee, My Blueberry Nights, and Psalm 91…

Today is a good day…a little coffee…computer and film magazines. I am waiting for my next class(film genre), but had to take a minute and post some pics…

I haven’t had too much free time, but here is the inner scoop…studying Psalm 91, Luke 10…watching My Blueberry Nights(great indie film), also reading a great book…The Reason for God by Timothy Keller…still listening to “Healer” by PlanetShakers…can’t get enough!

Ankit, Laura, Craig, MeMe and Mom in the big Apple...after seeing \"The Phantom of the Opera\"Laura, Ankit, Craig and Me

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